I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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