Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
