We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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