White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
