don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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