Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
