she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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