At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
