The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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