Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
