I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
