im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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