He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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