Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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