I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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