yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My feet surprised me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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