We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
