I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
