She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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