I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
