I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
