JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
