im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
