you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
