No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
