if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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