I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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