Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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