Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
