Im at strip club and am horny
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
