the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
