Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
