Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
