well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
