Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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