some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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