I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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