Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
