My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
