Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
