this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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