Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
