K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
