dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This house was built for laser tag.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
