cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
