My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
