is your mom at the bar?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
