She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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