Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
