im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
