lets start a swedish sibling band together
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
