just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
