Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
